Dear Lily,
I have been married to my husband for over 6 years, and we have three children together. The trouble is that for a while now I’ve been having sexual feelings about other women and I’m not sure what this means. My husband and I still have a healthy sex life, but nowadays, while he’s pumping away like a Kwik-Fit fitter, I’m busy mentally replacing his big red face with that of Amanda Holden’s lady lips. Also, I can’t help touching myself of a morning when Loose Women comes on and they start talking about intimate feminine issues in a lewd and boisterous manner. Have I turned all lesbian?
Lily says – Everyone knows there are no such things as lesbians. My big sister told me. Perhaps you also still believe in Father Christmas? Well I can tell you for free – he doesn’t exist either. Nor does the tooth fairy. Also, if you sniff a dandelion and then wee the bed the same night it is probably nothing more than a coincidence. I’m lucky that I have a big sister who can tell me these things: I suppose you must be a weirdo only child, or maybe your big sister is dead and not able to give you valuable advice. Anyway, I trust you’re not too upset that I have revealed the brutal truth, and perhaps now you can move on with your life.
Hope that helps!
