Dear Lily,
Now Christmas is over I have that familiar, encroaching feeling of doom as I realise I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in the near future except the arrival of hefty credit card bills and the daunting prospect of working off the megatonne of party food unwisely consumed over the Christmas period. Not only that, but I’ll end up making things worse by getting hideously drunk on cheap Cava at some anti-climatic New Years’ party and wake up on January 1 in the arms of some random hairy-backed gentleman of whom I have no recollection of ever meeting before. Can you suggest anything that might prevent me from sticking my head in the oven?
Lily says – This time of year is particularly miserable for many people: the presents are unwrapped and the contents highly disappointing; all the Quality Street with the exception of the orange creams have been scoffed; and the tinsel wilts listlessly on the dying tree as your stinking grandmother flatulates her way through the Doctor Who Christmas special. All that is left for you to do is waste the last remnants of the school holidays writing pointless and insincere thank-you letters to fat women called Jean who pretend to be your auntie, and begin the annual search for your swimming kit, which you eagerly tossed to one side at the end of last term still dripping and smelly and which is no doubt cultivating mushrooms somewhere at the bottom of your wardrobe. But don’t let this defeat you. You need to hang on to the fact that it won’t be long until you can crack open your new Powerpuff girls pencil case and dazzle your little school friends with your rainbow of shiny new felt tips and matching rubber that smells of strawberries. If you’re lucky, the others will be so consumed with jealousy at your Christmas haul that the feelings of depression and regret will soon fade away.
Hope that helps!
