Dear Lily – I’m in love with an armed robber

LilyDear Lily,

I’ve fallen in love with an absolutely wonderful man who is kind and funny and loving. The only issue is that he’s in jail for armed robbery and aggravated assault. We met through one of those prison pen pal schemes, which I got involved with soon after my last relationship went wrong. I’ve always had trouble hanging on to men, but I’ve realised that I won’t face this problem with a convicted criminal. One day a few weeks ago, I sat down and wrote a short letter about myself and next thing I know, I’m in the throes of romance with a lovely, dangerous man called Boycie. Although we’re really happy together, some of my interfering relatives are trying to make me end the relationship and now I am faced with the decision to cut all ties with my family or give up my knight in shining armour. To be honest, it’s not a hard decision to make, but I am worried that it might be hard to shake off some of my younger children. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?

Lily says – Getting involved with a bad boy might seem like an exciting thing to do at the time, but believe me, it’ll only end in tears. One summer, bored of playing with my Barbies, I made the mistake of accepting a backie on Oliver French’s BMX, little realising that I was embarking on a rollercoaster ride of
mischeviousness and petty crime. I still think fondly of that wild afternoon, where Oliver taught me how to wrap a dog turd in newspaper, light it, and leave it flaming on the doorstep of an unsuspecting pensioner.  Together, in a fog of young love, we mutilated a range of insects and vandalised public property with a Sharpie he had stolen. But the fun ended abruptly when my granny spotted me doing the flaming dog turd trick at the door of her best friend, Elsie. Oliver scarpered, leaving me broken hearted and at the mercy of a demented old boot who thinks corporal punishment is the vernacular of youth. What I learned from this incident is that bad boys might be lots of fun, but they’ll not hang around when the going gets tough, so I suggest you end this doomed relationship unless you fancy a very sore bottom and no pocket money for a month.

Hope that helps!

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