Dear Lily – Is my best friend just jealous?

LilyDear Lily,

My best friend confronted me last night and told me that since I started going out with my girlfriend I’ve totally changed. It’s true that my new squeeze has encouraged a few positive alterations, for example, I’ve radically overhauled my wardrobe, updated my hairstyle, stopped farting and swearing, stopped socialising with my friends, got rid of my beloved car, had my dog put down, invested in some rhinoplasty, become a vegan and changed my name. But other than that I think my friend is exaggerating a little. Do you think he’s just jealous of our relationship?

Lily says – I had a best friend once, called Susan Boneparte, who used to come over to play tea parties at mine practically every night after school. We shared our secrets; I even showed her the bit in my diary where I’d drawn a picture of me and Justin Bieber getting married with Zac Efron as the head bridesmaid, and she swore me to secrecy about how once she’d accidentally done a poo in her pants at school and left them in Amanda Sullivan’s Dora the Explorer rucksack. But one day, I went over to call on her and Alice Spiggot was there, playing with Susan’s Barbies and giving me death stares. Susan said she was bored of playing tea parties with me all the time, and that I was a loser because my parents buy supermarket own-brand crisps. So I went home and never played with Susan again. The moral of this story is that there are plenty more fish in the sea, so if this person is giving you a hard time, it might be a good idea to cut them loose. In addition to this, no matter how much you like someone, you should never reveal sordid jobby secrets to them unless you want to get your head kicked in by Amanda Sullivan at a later date.

Hope that helps!

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