‘Better to be pissed off than pissed on’
‘I know you believe you understand what you thought I said, but I’m not sure you realise what you heard is not what I meant’
“As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can.”
‘Man who runs behind car gets exhausted’
If you take your missus fishing in a boat with your mates, you’re guaranteed she’ll always come back with a Red Snapper
Three people can keep a secret, but only if two of them are dead.
“My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you, he is in prison”
Swallow food properly…or it comes out of your nose.
“Always answer the phone with…….Hello…….(pause) who is it?”
“There’s no point in sitting around waiting for IT to find you. You’ll feel better about yourself and life…and you’ll feel less bitter about life, if you at least make a reasonable attempt to find IT”