Emily Hartridge thinks penises are awsome
Presenter Emily Hartridge is in a hilarious video on YouTube…discussing penises.
She brings in a new male assistant to act out role-plays illustrating her reasons.
Emily begins by sharing that she is unwell: ‘I don’t mean to put a dampener on Christmas or New Year’s but I’m sick… like, really sick. But due to my love of the show, I’m trooping on.
‘As always with this show, i like to balance out the gender scales where possible. Last week we looked at why *boobs* are awesome. This week I am going to be discussing big Italian salami, Russell the love muscle, hot dog, joystick, chopper, ding-dong, winky and schlong.
‘This week I am going to be discussing penises.’
Emily then explains that she cannot show actual penises, because that would make her ‘a porn star.
Which I’m not by the way, regardless of what some of you think. So I will be using my banana stress toy as a prop whenever necessary.’
She then shows the audience her floppy yellow prop.
The 28-year-old presenter’s first reason as to why penises are awesome is that men can pee standing up anywhere.
This is illustrated by a montage of her male assistant ‘peeing’ against a wall, in the road between two cars, and even walking.
Emily (apparently behind the camera) walks past and says: ‘You’re disgusting!’
Then, back in her bedroom, she shares the perils of peeing in public when you’re a woman.
‘Do you know how many times I’ve got urine on my shoes when I’ve tried to wee outside? More often than I’d like to admit! Or have I just admitted that…?
‘All I can say is you try peeing like this (squats) and not getting wee anywhere around here (circles shoe area). It’s fucking hard.’
Emily’s second – and more controversial – reason as to why penises are awesome is that they are ‘something to put in a girl’s mouth if she’s talking a little too much’. Three is that penises are a ‘delivery mechanism for an anti-depressant’.
She goes on to say she is ‘pretty sure men made up that semen is good for women’s health and a natural antidepressant.’
Her fourth reason is that ‘men are so much easier to please in the bedroom’ as there’s ‘just a lot more going on for women and it’s a much more difficult task.’
She illustrates this by pretends to give (very quick) oral sex to her assistant, while upon his reciprocation he takes a much longer time, and gets nowhere apart from boring Emily.
Emily’s fifth reason is that penises are a ‘pretty easy way to show you’re interested’ and six is that penises are ‘something to play with when you’re bored.’
Reason seven is that a penis is a personal alarm clock and eight is that they help make babies, while nine is that they can really help in a job interview.
Ten is that they ‘rule the bedroom’.
She sounds like just the chick for me.
by Harry Harper