Now for the Oscars

by Helena Bryanlith

our Ozzie News film critic

I hope you enjoyed my informed hints as to who would be the winners of the Oscars this year in my previous outing as the Ozzie News film critic of 2011.

I stand by my original thesis that this years films are possibly less dynamic than say perhaps 1939. The films and the stars shine a little  less brightly.

My award for best actor remains Woody in Toy Story 3.

Best actor should have been Sly Stallone in the Fighter, or was he the voice over of the king in the Kings Speech, they sounded similar.

Best actress  for me is Glen Close, its a pity she was not nominated.

But best lips again goes to Angelina Jolie, and best dressed goes to Helena Bonham Carter for wearing two odd shoes.

Cut to the chase…my nomination for best film. The crowd at the back of the auditorium are cheering for Errol Flynn as Robin Hood, but of course that was in 1911 or was it 2011.

The Oscar for best film must go to…wait…have you heard that rumour, didn’t you? It’s supposed to have been sent to academy voters. It suggests that King George the sixth was a Nazi. How can the members be expected to vote for a film that does not show sympathy for the Israelis? How many of the voters are secretly supporters of Middle Eastern actors. Remember Ben Hur and Lawrence of Arabia both won Oscars for best film.  Who can forget Oscar Schindler after whom the Oscar was named? But we should be fair.

The best supporting actor last year was a Nazi, in Inglorious Basterds.

Also the tweet purporting to suggest Geoffrey Rush was having a delicate snip to improve his chances of best supporting actor was found to be completely false.

No we cannot expect the best film to be The Kings Speech or Colin Firth to win best actor.

No…my nomination for best film can only be Alice In Wonderland. With all the ‘behind the scenes’ action and money expectations from an Oscar winning film…it’s not quality that wins, it’s spin and hype. They must think we all live in wonderland.

Who will you nominate for the Mad Hatter award for spinning the Oscars?

Yes I agree it must be Ricky Gervais. I think he should be host for this years Oscars. Oprah and Doctor Phill can do next years awards ceremony.

To all the winners, I say never mind, a better film next year. To the losers I say, maybe you’ll be lucky and lose next year as well.

And so thank you to my agent, my mum and dad, my cat and of course Brian the dog, without whom on Oscar night, I would falling down laughing at the acceptance speeches.

If you are lucky on Oscar night, you could be out enjoying yourself and miss the most pretentious people performing like  flattered egocentric monkeys.

Look for my ‘after Oscars party secrets’…Elton have you invited me again?

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