Australian scientist Ian McIntosh, currently Professor of Anthropology at Indiana University in the US, plans an expedition in July that has stirred up the archaeological community.

The scientist wants to revisit the location where five coins were found in the Northern Territory in 1944 that have proven to be 1000 years old, opening up the possibility that seafarers from distant countries might have landed in Australia much earlier than what is currently believed.

Back in 1944 during World War II, after Japanese bombers had attacked Darwin two years earlier, the Wessel Islands – an uninhabited group of islands off Australia’s north coast – had become a strategic position to help protect the mainland.

Australian soldier Maurie Isenberg was stationed on one of the islands to man a radar station and spent his spare time fishing on the idyllic beaches.

While sitting in the sand with his fishing-rod, he discovered a handful of coins in the sand.

He didn’t have a clue where they could come from but pocketed them anyway and later placed them in a tin.

In 1979 he rediscovered his “treasure” and decided to send the coins to a museum to get them identified.

The coins proved to be 1000 years old.

Still not fully realising what treasure he held in his hands, he marked an old colleague’s map with an “X” to remember where he had found them.

The discovery was apparently forgotten again until anthropologist McIntosh got the ball rolling a few months ago.

The coins raise many important questions:

How did 1000-year-old coins end up on a remote beach on an island off the northern coast of Australia?

Did explorers from distant lands arrive on Australian shores way before the James Cook declared it “terra nullius” and claimed it for the British throne in 1770?

We do know already that Captain Cook wasn’t the first white seafarer to step on Australia’s shores.

In 1606 a Dutch explorer named Willem Janszoon reached the Cape York peninsula in Queensland, closely followed a few years late by another Dutch seafarer Dirk Hartog.

And the Spaniard Luiz Vaez de Torres discovered the strait between Papua New Guinea and Australia, which was later named Torres Strait in his honour.

However, none of these explorers recognised that they had discovered the famed southern continent, the “terra australis incognita”, which was depicted as a counterweight to the known land masses of the northern hemisphere on many world maps of the day.

McIntosh and his team of Australian and American historians, archaeologists, geomorphologists and Aboriginal rangers say that the five coins date back to the 900s to 1300s.

They are African coins from the former Kilwa sultanate, now a World Heritage ruin on an island off Tanzania.

Kilwa once was a flourishing trade port with links to India in the 13th to 16th century.

The trade with gold, silver, pearls, perfumes, Arabian stone ware, Persian ceramics and Chinese porcelain made the city one of the most influential towns in East Africa at the time.

The copper coins were the first coins ever produced in sub-Saharan Africa and according to McIntosh have only twice been found outside Africa: once in Oman and Isenberg’s find in 1944.

The old coins might not be of monetary value, but for archaeologists they are priceless, says McIntosh.

Archaeologists have long suspected that there may have been early maritime trading routes that linked East Africa, Arabia, India and the Spice Islands even 1,000 years ago.

Or the coins could’ve washed ashore after a shipwreck.

When Isenberg discovered the copper coins he also found four coins that originated from the Dutch East India Company – with one dating back to 1690 raising memories of those early Dutch seafarers that stepped on Australian shores well before Cook.

McIntosh wants to answer some of these mysteries during his planned expedition to the Wessel Islands in July.

And it’s not only about revisiting the beach that was marked with an “X” on Isenberg’s map.

He will also be looking for a secret cave Aboriginal legends talk about.

This cave is supposed to be close to the beach where Isenberg once found the coins and is said to be filled with doubloons and weaponry of an ancient era.

Should McIntosh and his team find what they are looking for, the find might not only be priceless treasure, but relics that could rewrite Australian history.

In India this would not be allowed.

The tremendous fast bowler Bunged Itin could not be bowling at a pretty lady. Perhaps an ugly one would tempt him but it is not allowed. A tall blonde lady in a bikini bowling to our very fine great batsman, Ima Slogger would probably distract him and we will lose a few wickets.

The Indian Cricket Council headed by Colin Slattery the elder and his fine team of relatives will dismiss this suggestion. It is alright for countries like England, with years of submission to the mighty Thatcher, to change the rules and allow women to play Lords or Trent Bridge. But here in mighty Australia, our ladies prefer surfing and tennis to being bowled over by swarthy ball swinging spinners.

I have had my ten rupees on Australia to give a white washing to the Pohms. The food most eaten in the England is now a curry. Beware they do not give you this potent dish. Blighty is well known for its high winds, and with curry, you could loose wickets.

The England team is now allegedly made up of five South Africans, three Scots and two Welsh dragons. They do have four limeys in the reserves.

The final player is from Kickupdasbottles, which is a village in a part of India even I have never been to. They say the villagers play dice with tigers and the loser gets eaten. They are very tough from this village. The name of this tiger beating cricketer is: “He who runs faster than the curried wind”…his name translated into Indian is Bungedup Sittdown. There’ll be more reporting when the games begin…subject to heavy rain.

My boat is already leaving for the Oval. Port out and starboard home is making me a posh sailor.
Prisoners Of Her Majesty, or PHM’s as they are known, are already booking their elephants for a cross country race to Portsmouth. They say it rains more in England than India in the wet season.
Washing up in the River Thames is apparently more lucky than washing up in the Ganges. We will wash up there to get the lucky legs for the first tests.

A great shame our Indian batsman (we adopted him for his big hits) Mr big sixes Ponting will not be carry his bat.

Message to the editor – my English is getting much better now I moved to Kalgoolies. My sampan only sank twice. Struck by sharks, but I saved my chapatti’s. The Swan River is warm at this time of year and it’s not far from Fremantle to Perth. Locals told me I could walk to Kalgoolies as it is not too far. Eleven days and my poor sandals were worn down to my feet.

I will report from London before and during the Ashes commence. I need to buy big boots for the trip.
Send rupees to my secret account in Switzerland.

By Rahndi Ghit

We can expect the finances to be left to whoever wins the next election. Whoever it is will find a huge loss difficult to manage. The disabled increase is the only good point in a dreadful budget. It remains a terrible indictment of this government to mismanage finances with a massive deficit. A lesson learned is don’t increase taxes and then spend the money before it is gathered…in mineral, carbon or any other taxes.

A warning given a year ago, was the Aussie dollar was too high? A warning not heeded as this government bragged we had performed better than any other country.

Abroad – in the UK (a country known since Thatcher times as the Scrooge of the world) has spent the last decades dreaming up ways to drain the population of their hard earned wages. I am sure they were watching as Europe withdrew money in the Cypriot people’s bank accounts. Difficult to achieve in the UK, but after the Olympic tax, we now have a Bed tax. Yes, if you have more bedrooms than you use, the empty rooms are taxed. Two bedroom homes now have husbands and wives sleeping in separate rooms to avoid the tax…looks like a divorce tax is to follow.

Thank goodness for the United Nations Food Agency…a gleam of sensibility in a war torn world. Their latest strategy is to promote insect farms.

We here in Australia could lead the way as our insect population exceeds our human population by billions. The UN wants to promote insects as a viable food source. They are nutritious, delicious, have valuable minerals and proteins. The insect farms would provide feed for livestock, and be added to our menu and with cooking give exciting recipes. Baked beetles, grilled termites, stewed spiders…all over the world insects are eaten with relish…especially in South America and Africa. We can expect to see insects added to our daily shopping in local supermarkets any day now!

I must report on the UK FA cup. Wigan beat Manchester City (1 – 0). Wigan has a population the size of Kings Cross, and Manchester the size of Melbourne. It’s the first time they have won the cup since William the Conqueror won at Hastings. The city came to a standstill; men, women, children and even the Mayor burst into tears. They celebrated for days and put up a monument to the teams achievement. It is an event that will be remembered for years…no…centuries. A week later Wigan were relegated from the Premier League. There were no tears and it was forgotten by tea time. This was no David and Goliath…it was more like Tasmania beating the USA at baseball and basketball all on the same day…or even the cart horse beating Black Caviar. What a shock, and the losing manager got the sack. Good on yer Wigan.

At home, the racing scandal came and went. Not by a short nose but a photo finish was the result. All is forgotten by punters after the last race.

Footie season underway…go the Dockers!

by Tommy Taylor

Today sports journalist and presenter Roz Kelly was reporting on a match between Chelsea and Benfica, which was played in the Dutch capital, when her autocue was tampered with.

Coming to the end of the report and pointing out it was played in Amsterdam, Kelly read out: ‘How good are the cookies there?’

Even as she got to the final word she seemed to realise something was up.

Her female colleagues tried to have sympathy but could not hold back the laughter, and the perpetrator – host Karl Stefanovic – broke into hysterics.

‘See, I read everything on the autocue. It’s like Anchorman,’ she said immediately afterwards.

Roz warned: ‘Whoever it is, I’m coming to find you’ before Karl’s giggling gave the game away and he was revealed as the prankster.

The TV show confirmed later that the comment was indeed added by Karl just before they went to air.

She warned that he may have won the battle, but the ‘war has just begun’, telling him: ‘You’re in trouble.’

The former England and Manchester United player confirmed that he will stop playing football at the end of this season having rejected a chance to continue playing with Paris St Germain into 2014.

When asked what David Beckham should now pursue, Gallagher replied: “Songwriting”.

He added: “He’s had a great career and played for some of the most iconic clubs in world football. He could probably go into management one day, as long as it’s not Manchester City.”

Former Oasis member also said he “hated” Beckham when he played for United, but has since become friends with the sportsman. “I hated him when he played for United. Hated him. Hate. Proper hate. But luckily I met him when he’d left United and he’s such a nice lad and he’s a brilliant footballer.”

Noel Gallagher collecting the award at this year’s Ivor Novellos for Outstanding Song Collection, which was presented to him by Kinks singer Ray Davies.

I don’t know why this is, because he’s only got a handful of half decent songs…they’re not classics in any way or form…and they never will be. I did see Oasis, several times, and they never failed to disappoint…they were always shit. Liam just stands there with his arms behind his back, thinking he’s hard, and there is more animation out of the puppet Parker (from the Thunderbirds) than Noel.

The former Oasis member thanked “my publishers, who I’ve only just met after 20 years – Sony, apparently,” to guffaws of laughter from the industry audience. He dedicated the award to his wife, who, he said, once told him she’d never seen him write any songs. “This is proof that I do,” he said.

Oasis – a really boring band with a few good songs…thank fuck they’re over, because I’m well over them.

by Wallace McTavish

A man in Cork, Ireland, was left truly embarrassed after getting himself stuck in a seat for toddlers at the fast food restaurant.

A witness who snapped the unusual incident said the man had clearly had a few drinks before getting jammed in the grey seat.

He was eventually freed from his uncomfortable sitting position and released without charge.

A McDonald’s spokesperson said: ‘McDonald’s is aware of the incident involving a customer who decided to sit in one of our children’s high-chairs in Winthrop Street.

‘As you can see, we recommend that children don’t use the high-chair without adult supervision!’

Barber Babes operate out of The Grosvenor on George and involve a topless female barber cutting their hair wearing only hot pants or underwear.

The scantily-clad barbers also offer scalp massages, brow waxing, blow dries and a shave with a cut-throat razor.

Owner operator Jasmine Robson said all her stylists are fully qualified.

“One of the gorgeous barbers was even apprentice of the year when she trained,” she said.

“Some of the barbers are available for lap dances but not whilst you are getting your Barber Babes service. They are serious about their art and don’t take it lightly.”

Ms Robson said most men generally don’t enjoy getting their hair cut so the service aimed to make the experience more pleasurable.

“We found that a lot of exotic dancers are qualified hairdressers and don’t do what they love as the wages are quite abysmal,” she said.

Since Barber Babes opened in February, Ms Robson said the response has been excellent with some men coming in every couple of days for a shave.

Clients include a lot of fly in fly out miners from Brisbane, local businessmen, musicians, barristers, women and university professors.

“We have one client who flies in especially from Townsville to get his hair cut,” Ms Robson said.

“We’ve had a few strange looks and baffled inquiries but definitely no complaints.”

But Melinda Liszewski from Collective Shout, which campaigns against the objectification of women, said she wasn’t surprised to hear the service is popular.

“What we’re seeing is the crossover of the sex industry into other more mainstream areas,” she said.

“It’s reinforcing the idea that women exist for mens sexual arousal and titilation.”

Tiffany Evans says her five-and-a-half month old pup brought the explosive to the back door, just as she was taking her son to school.

Police told her it was a large pyrotechnic or firecracker, but she will not know what it is until the bomb squad removes it.

“Once we thought we’d confirmed that it was a stick of dynamite, we rang the local police and they came out and advised us on what to do,” she said.

“That seems to be it so far. We’re just waiting now for it to be removed.”

Surprised staff at the Pomona thrift shop on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast found the tidy sum in a concealed compartment.

The suitcase had been on sale for a bargain $5 before the cash was discovered when a customer brought it to the till.

After a two-week police investigation, the elderly owner of the mystery item was tracked down and was able to describe the case and its contents in detail.

‘We are waiting further detail to make the final confirmation,’ Queensland police said in a statement.

‘There seems to be a clear indication that the owner has been identified.’

Police believe it was accidentally given away after the woman moved house, but warned she may have to wait for two months before she can collect her lost cash.