His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.  Then we’ll talk about the car.’

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.

The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’

Dad’s reply was:

‘Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?’

That’s according to a report released by the Pew Research Center, which surveyed 802 teens between the ages of 12 and 17 last September to produce a 107-page report on their online habits.

Pew’s findings suggest teens’ enthusiasm for Facebook is waning, lending credence to concerns, raised by the company’s investors and others that the social network may be losing a crucial demographic that has long fueled its success.

Facebook has become a “social burden” for teens, write the authors of the Pew report. “While Facebook is still deeply integrated in teens’ everyday lives, it is sometimes seen as a utility and an obligation rather than an exciting new platform that teens can claim as their own.”

Facebook, teens say, has been overrun by parents, fuels unnecessary social “drama” and gives a mouthpiece to annoying oversharers who drone on about inane events in their lives.

“Honestly, Facebook at this point, I’m on it constantly but I hate it so much,” one 15 year-old girl told Pew during a focus group.

On the whole, teens’ usage of social media seems to have plateaued, and the fraction of those who check social sites “several times a day” has stayed steady at around 40 percent since 2011.

Colin Furze, 33, has spent four weeks building the petrol-powered lavatory which boasts a powerful 140cc motorbike engine and can travel at 55mph.

The high-speed toilet has been fitted with a button on the handle bars, so it can be flushed on the move, and a clip so he can read his favourite daily newspaper.

‘It is quite scary to drive as the water in the toilet makes it very top heavy and I get wet when I go over any bumps,’ said Colin, from Lincolnshire, England.

‘The toilet seat is also quite slippery so it’s hard to stay on and stop myself from sliding off when I go fast. It’s also pretty tricky to steer.’

The plumber regularly gets called out to fix and install toilets so decided to build the contraption as a bit of fun.

Four electronic gears have also been fitted to the handlebars, while a towel rail and toilet roll holder have also been installed.

‘I’m a plumber and I’m used to putting toilets together so I thought I’d try the challenge of making the fastest,’ said Mr Furze.

‘I’ve seen people build them before using mopeds, but I’ve given mine a more powerful engine so it can go much faster.’

The previous fastest toilet was the Bog Standard, which could travel at 42.25mph and was unveiled in Milan, Italy in March 2011.

Since the birth of my first child, I have developed a rather intimate and embarrassing problem, and I am too ashamed to visit the doctor. Before I fell pregnant I was vaguely aware that having a baby might have some physical side-effects, but it seems that squeezing out a head and shoulders has seriously knackered my flaps. I use to pride myself on my risqué collection of split-crotch panties. Nowadays you’ll usually find me hobbling around the feminine products in Woolworths with a large piss-sodden pad wedged under my clacker.

All I want is for things to go back to the way they were before the birth. Please help.

Lily says – Once, in assembly, Mrs Gregory was telling us a parable from the Bible about the Prodigal Son. I think she was trying to tell us that you can be as naughty as you like and you’ll never get in trouble with your mum and dad. Then suddenly all the kids at the front started screaming and jumping up and I could see on the floor was a big stream of yellow wee coming from Oliver French. We all got to go outside and have extra playtime instead of hearing more dubious advice from Mrs Gregory, and Oliver French was taken to the welfare office.

It sounds like you maybe have the same problem as Oliver French, so try to get over your embarrassment and go and see the doctor as soon as possible. Otherwise, you might end up wearing brown lost property pants and sitting alone on the naughty bench until your mummy comes to fetch you.

Hope that helps!

Manzarek, who lived in Northern California’s Napa Valley wine country for the past decade, had been seeking treatment in Germany for bile duct cancer. He died in Rosenheim, Germany, surrounded by his wife and brothers.

Singer Jim Morrison and then UCLA film student Manzarek, formed The Doors in 1965 after a chance meeting at Los Angeles’ Venice Beach, and Manzarek’s keyboard work would go on to be a touchstone of hits such as “Break On Through to the Other Side” and “Light My Fire.”

The band, which was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1993, sold 100 million records since its heyday with psychedelic-era classics such as 1971′s “Riders on the Storm.”

The Doors broke up shortly after Morrison’s death from heart failure in 1971, but their mythology exploded following the 1980 publication of the biography “No One Here Gets Out Alive” and the 1991 film, “The Doors”, by director Oliver Stone.

The band recorded a total of eight albums between 1967 and 1972. After the band’s break up, Manzarek released two albums with the rock band “Nite City” in the late 1970s and six solo albums, most recently “Translucent Blues” in 2011 with blues-rock guitarist Roy Rogers.

Manzarek and Krieger became locked in a legal battle with drummer John Densmore in 2003 after the two reunited under The Doors name and later “The Doors of the 21st Century,” but were finally forced to tour as Manzarek-Krieger.

I managed to see The Doors of the 21st Century, with Ian Astbury from The Cult on vocals. Without Jim Morrison you might think there’s no point in going to see The Doors. If you thought this…you’d be oh so very wrong.

Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger, along with Ian Astbury (vocals) and Stewart Copeland (on drums, formerly from The Police), were amazing.

They started off with Roadhouse Blues and just went through a plethora of their music. I could go through every song and write an essay about each one. It made me realise how good the songs are, and see the musicianship in Manzarek and Kreiger. This night, The Doors had a bass player, and Manzarek’s left hand almost, at times, didn’t know what to do with itself. But when both hands did come together…it was just sheer fucking bliss to watch and hear.

Some mad, bald English bloke next to me was shouting, “Ray, Ray…get your cock out”. Ray Manzarek looked, and smiled…

It was a night that was very special in so many ways. Obviously, we won’t see it again…but the memory will hold all that was seen and heard.

Manzarek, who was born in Chicago in 1939, embraced old age in 2006.

“We occupy these bodies for 70, 80, 90 years, and it’s so much fun being alive on planet Earth that you want to keep this thing as fresh as you possibly can,” he said.

“The spirit, the mind, the soul, what’s inside of you just gets hipper and hipper as you get older … you get a whole broadened outlook on things,” he added. “That just naturally keeps going, but the damn body slows down.”

Manzarek is also the author of two novels and most notably the 1998 memoir, “Light My Fire: My Life with The Doors.”

Ray Manzarek is survived by his wife, Dorothy, two brothers, a son, daughter-in-law and three grandchildren.

Manzarek’s electric organ was a defining aspect next to Morrison’s booming voice in the band’s blues and jazz influenced take on rock and roll.

But it wasn’t just the organ that Ray Manzarek gave to us all.

The Doors didn’t have a bass player when they started. So, Mr Manzarek use to play all the bass-lines with his left hand and play all of the wonderful keyboard riffs and tunes with his right hand. Sometimes, as I am sure you are aware, Jim Morrison would be a bit too ‘out-of-it’ to stand let alone sing…he sometimes never used to even turn up to the gig.

Most bands would have maybe cancelled, but not The Doors. Ray Manzarek would sing the songs. So he’s playing the bass, keyboard AND singing. The man was a fucking genius !

I don’t think there has anything even remotely like The Doors since they graced us with their oral vision. All four members (Jim Morrison, Ray Manzarek, Robby Kreiger and John Densmore) are so unique their own individual sound, the way they play, and the way they perform…that’s not even including the songs, which are as important today, as they ever were. I can’t honestly think of another band where all band members in-print their own uniqueness and individuality in a song. It’s possible with all of these factors that the songs would become a mess…but this is not the case.

If you haven’t listened to The Doors, then listen.

If you haven’t read about The Doors, then read.

For fuck’s sake, just download the first album, and then the last album (“The Doors” and “LA Woman” respectively). Start at ‘Break On Through’, work your way through ‘The End’, and then keep on going onto ‘LA Woman’ and end up at ‘Riders On The Storm’.

Once you understand these songs and others on these two albums, you can then find out what went on in between. After that…get reading…I promise you won’t be bored.

Amazing songs…written and played by an amazing man, of which we will never see again.

R,I,P. – Ray Manzarek

by Wallace McTavish

The body of Saso Filkovski, 37, was found at the Danbury Crescent home, and the body of Venesa Farcich, 31, was found at the Arnos Way home.

A 36-year-old man from Girrawheen has been charged with two counts of murder and will appear in the Joondalup Magistrates Court today.

Family and friends of the victims are struggling to comprehend the deaths.

Police found Mr Filkovski dead at his Danbury Crescent home about 3.30pm. Less than an hour later, Ms Farcich died inside her family home on Arnos Way, which on Sunday was the venue for her son’s second birthday celebration.

Paramedics tried to revive Ms Farcich but she died at the scene. Ms Farcich’s children are living with a grandparent.

The two homes are less than 100m apart.

Mr Filkovski still lived with his mother in the family’s two-storey Danbury Crescent home, where he grew up. He was a personal trainer, accountant and IT consultant who operated a gym from his family home and a boxing ring at another property he owned across the road on Danbury Crescent.

The outcome will be known later today.

by Sel Hurst

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

Australian scientist Ian McIntosh, currently Professor of Anthropology at Indiana University in the US, plans an expedition in July that has stirred up the archaeological community.

The scientist wants to revisit the location where five coins were found in the Northern Territory in 1944 that have proven to be 1000 years old, opening up the possibility that seafarers from distant countries might have landed in Australia much earlier than what is currently believed.

Back in 1944 during World War II, after Japanese bombers had attacked Darwin two years earlier, the Wessel Islands – an uninhabited group of islands off Australia’s north coast – had become a strategic position to help protect the mainland.

Australian soldier Maurie Isenberg was stationed on one of the islands to man a radar station and spent his spare time fishing on the idyllic beaches.

While sitting in the sand with his fishing-rod, he discovered a handful of coins in the sand.

He didn’t have a clue where they could come from but pocketed them anyway and later placed them in a tin.

In 1979 he rediscovered his “treasure” and decided to send the coins to a museum to get them identified.

The coins proved to be 1000 years old.

Still not fully realising what treasure he held in his hands, he marked an old colleague’s map with an “X” to remember where he had found them.

The discovery was apparently forgotten again until anthropologist McIntosh got the ball rolling a few months ago.

The coins raise many important questions:

How did 1000-year-old coins end up on a remote beach on an island off the northern coast of Australia?

Did explorers from distant lands arrive on Australian shores way before the James Cook declared it “terra nullius” and claimed it for the British throne in 1770?

We do know already that Captain Cook wasn’t the first white seafarer to step on Australia’s shores.

In 1606 a Dutch explorer named Willem Janszoon reached the Cape York peninsula in Queensland, closely followed a few years late by another Dutch seafarer Dirk Hartog.

And the Spaniard Luiz Vaez de Torres discovered the strait between Papua New Guinea and Australia, which was later named Torres Strait in his honour.

However, none of these explorers recognised that they had discovered the famed southern continent, the “terra australis incognita”, which was depicted as a counterweight to the known land masses of the northern hemisphere on many world maps of the day.

McIntosh and his team of Australian and American historians, archaeologists, geomorphologists and Aboriginal rangers say that the five coins date back to the 900s to 1300s.

They are African coins from the former Kilwa sultanate, now a World Heritage ruin on an island off Tanzania.

Kilwa once was a flourishing trade port with links to India in the 13th to 16th century.

The trade with gold, silver, pearls, perfumes, Arabian stone ware, Persian ceramics and Chinese porcelain made the city one of the most influential towns in East Africa at the time.

The copper coins were the first coins ever produced in sub-Saharan Africa and according to McIntosh have only twice been found outside Africa: once in Oman and Isenberg’s find in 1944.

The old coins might not be of monetary value, but for archaeologists they are priceless, says McIntosh.

Archaeologists have long suspected that there may have been early maritime trading routes that linked East Africa, Arabia, India and the Spice Islands even 1,000 years ago.

Or the coins could’ve washed ashore after a shipwreck.

When Isenberg discovered the copper coins he also found four coins that originated from the Dutch East India Company – with one dating back to 1690 raising memories of those early Dutch seafarers that stepped on Australian shores well before Cook.

McIntosh wants to answer some of these mysteries during his planned expedition to the Wessel Islands in July.

And it’s not only about revisiting the beach that was marked with an “X” on Isenberg’s map.

He will also be looking for a secret cave Aboriginal legends talk about.

This cave is supposed to be close to the beach where Isenberg once found the coins and is said to be filled with doubloons and weaponry of an ancient era.

Should McIntosh and his team find what they are looking for, the find might not only be priceless treasure, but relics that could rewrite Australian history.

In India this would not be allowed.

The tremendous fast bowler Bunged Itin could not be bowling at a pretty lady. Perhaps an ugly one would tempt him but it is not allowed. A tall blonde lady in a bikini bowling to our very fine great batsman, Ima Slogger would probably distract him and we will lose a few wickets.

The Indian Cricket Council headed by Colin Slattery the elder and his fine team of relatives will dismiss this suggestion. It is alright for countries like England, with years of submission to the mighty Thatcher, to change the rules and allow women to play Lords or Trent Bridge. But here in mighty Australia, our ladies prefer surfing and tennis to being bowled over by swarthy ball swinging spinners.

I have had my ten rupees on Australia to give a white washing to the Pohms. The food most eaten in the England is now a curry. Beware they do not give you this potent dish. Blighty is well known for its high winds, and with curry, you could loose wickets.

The England team is now allegedly made up of five South Africans, three Scots and two Welsh dragons. They do have four limeys in the reserves.

The final player is from Kickupdasbottles, which is a village in a part of India even I have never been to. They say the villagers play dice with tigers and the loser gets eaten. They are very tough from this village. The name of this tiger beating cricketer is: “He who runs faster than the curried wind”…his name translated into Indian is Bungedup Sittdown. There’ll be more reporting when the games begin…subject to heavy rain.

My boat is already leaving for the Oval. Port out and starboard home is making me a posh sailor.
Prisoners Of Her Majesty, or PHM’s as they are known, are already booking their elephants for a cross country race to Portsmouth. They say it rains more in England than India in the wet season.
Washing up in the River Thames is apparently more lucky than washing up in the Ganges. We will wash up there to get the lucky legs for the first tests.

A great shame our Indian batsman (we adopted him for his big hits) Mr big sixes Ponting will not be carry his bat.

Message to the editor – my English is getting much better now I moved to Kalgoolies. My sampan only sank twice. Struck by sharks, but I saved my chapatti’s. The Swan River is warm at this time of year and it’s not far from Fremantle to Perth. Locals told me I could walk to Kalgoolies as it is not too far. Eleven days and my poor sandals were worn down to my feet.

I will report from London before and during the Ashes commence. I need to buy big boots for the trip.
Send rupees to my secret account in Switzerland.

By Rahndi Ghit