Advice for couples on swinging

The first thing to remember is that safe sex doesn’t exist…there’s only safer sex.

Condoms will protect you against a lot of STI’s but kissing, oral sex and touching genitals still puts you at risk.

And swinging comes at a hefty “try at your own risk” warning for a good reason. You really do need to be a special type of person to deal with it. If you think you’re liberal minded, then swinging with your partner will see if you really are that liberal. Most end up feeling jealous and in lots of cases, motivation is lop-sided. One partner wants to try it, the other goes along for fear of losing them if they don’t.

It can and does lead to split ups…albeit quite interesting ones. I’ve spoken with a few couples who’ve swapped with another couple…and stayed.

Also interestingly, research says while it’s usually the man who suggests swinging, dragging along a reluctant wife or girlfriend, it’s the women who want to try it again, and again, and again. The research didn’t say why, but my guess is that women are more bi-curious than men. People often agree to swinging when whatb they really are is bi-curious and want an excuse to experiment with the same sex.

Swingers clubs usually have several rooms and a general area which usually has porn playing. Private rooms are where couples can go to have sex…you don’t open the door…if they want you to watch, they’ll leave it open.

Expect a lot of eyeing up and flirting, public snogging and more, with a general air of seediness. Resist the urge to drink too much so you can keep an eye on each other to check you’re both into the idea in reality as you were in your imaginations.

Things to talk through first include spelling out some very specific rules.

 “Closed” swinging is when one partner chooses not to be around while their lover is having sex with others. This may be a good idea, but if you’re a close couple and both have a good sex life with each other, then go for it with other people together. It will keep that trust with each other. Because when you’re in different rooms, you’ll always wonder what really went on what ever your partner tells you. If you’re together, then you both know what each other did…so hopefully there’ll be no major hang-ups.

“Open” swinging means both participate and “soft” swinging means you ‘ll “heavy pet” but not have penetration.

Also talk about whether same sex kissing or touching is allowed and have a code word. If one of you stops enjoying it, all you need to do is say that word and both of you leave. Again, which is why it’s best to to be pissed out of your head on the first time you swing.

One way to get the thrill of swinging without the downside, is to go to a swingers club and watch but not participate.

by Susan Floyd

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