Noel Gallagher tells David Beckham to write songs

Noel Gallagher has suggested that David Beckham should take up songwriting now that he has retired from football.

The former England and Manchester United player confirmed that he will stop playing football at the end of this season having rejected a chance to continue playing with Paris St Germain into 2014.

Noel Gallagher - a shit cunt, with a shit haircutWhen asked what David Beckham should now pursue, Gallagher replied: “Songwriting”.

He added: “He’s had a great career and played for some of the most iconic clubs in world football. He could probably go into management one day, as long as it’s not Manchester City.”

Former Oasis member also said he “hated” Beckham when he played for United, but has since become friends with the sportsman. “I hated him when he played for United. Hated him. Hate. Proper hate. But luckily I met him when he’d left United and he’s such a nice lad and he’s a brilliant footballer.”

Noel Gallagher collecting the award at this year’s Ivor Novellos for Outstanding Song Collection, which was presented to him by Kinks singer Ray Davies.

I don’t know why this is, because he’s only got a handful of half decent songs…they’re not classics in any way or form…and they never will be. I did see Oasis, several times, and they never failed to disappoint…they were always shit. Liam just stands there with his arms behind his back, thinking he’s hard, and there is more animation out of the puppet Parker (from the Thunderbirds) than Noel.

The former Oasis member thanked “my publishers, who I’ve only just met after 20 years – Sony, apparently,” to guffaws of laughter from the industry audience. He dedicated the award to his wife, who, he said, once told him she’d never seen him write any songs. “This is proof that I do,” he said.

Oasis – a really boring band with a few good songs…thank fuck they’re over, because I’m well over them.

by Wallace McTavish

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