New breakfast cereal gives you a hard-on

Apparently, it’s like Angelina Jolie in a bowl.

Just One Bowl and you’ll be jumping on your old lady like she’s a nubile 20 year old. Unfortunately, it won’t actually change her into a 20 year old, but it’ll lift your pecker. Which is quite ironic as this new cereal has been made by a company that is normally known for their wide range of popular animal feeds.

Pureena Company announced that they will be releasing a new breakfast cereal developed for impotent men called, Nut & Raisin Honey.

This is very different to their usual marketing and manufacturing strategies. Haywood Jablome, who is the Marketing President for Pureena says, “This new venture will be easy for us to implement, with only minor changes to the cereal formulation and packaging”.

Ian McKrakitch from New York’s Harness Bank commented, “All the production line tools are there. They just need a cereal blend that tastes good, sells well, and helps the male consumer with a little ‘Gitty Up’ when he wants to let the horse out of the barn”.

I don’t really know what ‘Gitty Up’ means, but shouldn’t he be letting us know if the cereal gives you a hard-on when you want to have sex?

There are so many pharmaceutical companies out there who claim that their medication gives you more than a little ‘Gitty Up’ and are making a fortune off of customers who want to be, ‘Strong Like Bull’ or have ’Lead n your Pencil’. Personally, I use a pen on most occasions.

Pfizzor Company, who make the most popular ‘Gitty Up’ potion in the shape of a little blue pill and begins with V, is inferring that Pureena may be using unlicensed animal steroids in the cereal.

Test consumer Hal Noodleman says, “Hey, whatever works, and believe me, this works. One spoonful of this stuff and I’m a raging bull”.

Neighbours claim to hear vulgar barnyard noises coming from the Noodleman home at all hours of the evening. “Nut & Raisin Honey kind of tastes like dog food, but my wife loves me for eating it”, says Noodleman, while following his own comments with a whinny.

I’ll be honest with you…I’ve never heard of a breakfast cereal that tastes like dog food.

Selling for $37.95 a box, Nut & Raisin Honey is not cheap but store owners can’t keep it on the shelves. Even with potential side effects including an urge to chase cows around the barnyard and vocal grunts that sound much like pigs in heat, Pureena has apparently marketed a winner.

Pureena also announced the future release of a sport drink for women called ‘Wet & Wild’. Jablome would not elaborate on the product’s features.

Let’s hope it makes the Sheila’s think that their man looks like Brad Pitt.

by Milo Johnson

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