Anecdotal thoughts of Jim Aborwhear

Rushing around this afternoon because someone had collapsed ion the office. Anyway in the middle of getting this sorted, one of the many Drongo’s who I have the misfortune to share the planet, let alone the office AND being sidled up to me (he’s one of those people who stand far too close) and in the peculiar high pitched whisper he had he explained that when we moved floors the movers had broken his personal electric heater…he’s been using the heater of a man who was away on holiday but now that person had returned he had no heater.

I very politely explained to him that I was in the middle of an urgent case “Well you also have a duty of care to your staff you know” he replied, Well at this point had telephone in my hand calling the Ambo, “Yes” I replied “But in the grand scheme your heater is less urgent than this bloke getting some medical attention without consideration.

If it gets too much to you, then put your coat on…and if you don’t have a coat, then you can borrow mine…and sort it out with your direct manager not me”.

Anyway finished the telephone call, someone checked the bloke who’d collapsed was breathing and put him in the recovery position.

I got back to my desk unlocked my computer and there were 6 emails from this, what I like to call, cunt, concerning, can any one guess?, that’s right, his fucking heater.

Apparently I;

1. I belittled him (impossible he’s very short to begin with) and anyway can you belittle someone who sat on the toilet at work (with lid down) for two hours because he wasn’t feeling well until I had to knock on the door to get him out because a colleague thought someone had died in there? Surely he’s doing a fine job himself.
2. I should always put staff first (only if I want someone to test a new suicide pill)
3. I was persecuting him (yes the delayed reaction in getting a fan is akin to the Jewish holocaust or the struggles of Nelson Mandela).
4. I had a dictatorial approach (I wish I was able to say, take him outside and have him shot, but I’m not………… apparently).
5. I did not take him seriously (Hmmmm spot on with that one old boy).
6. He could not work without a heater (I’m not sure he does much WITH a heater).
7. He has a medical condition (he sweats a lot!) Yes really that is his medical condition!

Now you may well think I’m making this up, but it’s absolutely true. Anyway, I replied to him saying he “was getting hot and bothered about this and it would soon blow over”. He promptly left the office in a sulk.

Now for the punchline, after he left I checked his heater. He’d plugged it into a socket which wasn’t connected. It works perfectly, if that is not the highest the highest snowy covered peak of fuck-wittery what is?

And people have the temerity to ask me why I drink so much…well, they leave me no choice. I see dead people I work with them every day.

by Jim Aborwhear
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