The anecdotal thoughts of Jim Aborwhear

I can say without a shadow of doubt or a moments hesitation, the gas company to which I pay my bill…you are a steaming edifice of excrement worthy only of utter and complete annihilation, your customer “services” make a Post Office queue on pension day seem dazzlingly fast in comparison.

Yes the lady and then gentlemen I spoke to were pleasant enough, especially after the 15 minute wait each time it took to get through. RE your automated, “I’m sorry you’re still waiting” message, I assume it was designed by someone who has shares in Prozac because you know an automated message telling me you’re sorry rather let’s me know that you don’t really give a turd, still passing up a few more pounds to your shareholders via a secret monopoly (I mean do you know how much a good accountant who knows all the tax avoidance schemes costs?) is more worthwhile than employing a few more people on minimum wage to provide decent customer services.

After eventually getting through to “chirpy sing song voiced Donna”, (and God what a torture to my ears that was).

I was told that I was more than $400 in credit. Right,I have asked repeatedly that as soon as my account reaches $150 you pay it back to me as I’d rather have the money in my account rather than yours where it’s no doubt with all of the other poor sods who have you as a supplier, earning you interest, you thieving bastards.

I’m sorry about that Jim (Jim? really…Jim…excuse me, have we had or are we planning to make the beast with two backs and engage in sexual congress? …No? …then it’s Mr Aborwhear!)

You should have been informed that following the change to our billing system we’ll only issue refunds once you have sent us a meter reading for the quarter. RIGHT, fine…I’ll go home go round to the side of my house where you stuck the bloody meters, move the bins, get a torch and make a note, tell me how much do you save by not employing meter readers any more because I haven’t see that reduction in my bill.

Got home did the above, rang, waited for another 15 minutes (see first paragraph) and then got through to Craig from Northern Ireland, who must be related to the Rev Ian Paisley (he called me Mr Aborwhear, which was a relief…see above). Read him out the meter readings, spent another 10 minutes on hold before he came back to me explaining their computer system was down, but I’ll send the bill to your email account, you should get it in the next 15 minutes or so…

…Now 3 hours later I stare at an empty inbox which means that I will have to call again tomorrow.
Oh, how I loathe these utility companies with the burning intensity of a thousand suns…………
by Jim Aborwhear
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