Why are we not more successful at the Olympics?

Years ago in my country we had the very best cricket and hockey players in the world.

Squash was a most certain gold for us every four years. Now we are beaten by China and other asian countries who have overtaken us to win our gold medals.

We understand how our friends in Australia feel when they lose gold medals to France in the swimming finals.

Frogs are of course amphibians and are at home in water, but by tradition all the best swimmers come from Oz. Like you, we are investigating why this strange change has occurred. We have ruled out doping.

Indian medicines like Chinese medicines can bring  extraordinary speed to our young competitors…and they are difficult to detect. In India we have decided it is our diet. To compete with the USA we have started to eat more McDonalds. Already our weight lifters are gaining ground. Adding pulses like the competitors from Africa is boosting our marathon runners. They can run longer and faster, but need to take extra care, the wind and dunny stops can cause slower times.

What advice can we pass onto our friends over in Australia?

Firstly you must reduce your training , take more Karma naps. Alcohol is more useful in your car tanks than boosting stamina. When swimming we find chanting helps, although bad language is forbidden .

“Whose a filthy rotten scoundrel”, followed by your closest enemies name, chanted over and over again usually helps you to win. Of course tripping him or her up also is an advantage.

Steroids are not a good way to boost your strength, they can cause suffering in the family way. Viagara is known to increase leg strength, but it does not last long and has to be repeated, usually half way through the race. Especially long distance events.

Swimming with dolphins is encouraged although swimming with sharks is to be avoided. If you follow this advice from your friends in India, I am sure you will soon be back winning all the medals at the next  Olympics .

Yakki da as we say in Mumbai .

by Rahndi Ghit

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