Dear Lily – I accidentally proposed to my girlfriend

Dear Lily, I have accidentally proposed to my girlfriend. After plying me with cider the evil temptress bewitched me with promises of a blow job and next thing I know, I’m down on one knee simpering about how much I would be honoured to take her as my wife. Last time I made an important … [Read the full story]

Taking ‘Fish-Fingers’ to a whole new level

Have you ever been wake-boarding, have an accident and your fingers fall off? It turns out fish like to eat them. A fisherman in the US state of Idaho recovered a bizarre find when he reeled in a trout from Priest Lake. The fingers within were identified as belonging to Washington wake-boarder Haans Galassi after … [Read the full story]

50 Cent in hospital after car crash

50 Cent has been hospitalised following a horrific car crash in New York last night. The accident occurred on the Long Island Expressway after his SUV collided with a truck. Medics raced to the scene and he was transferred to an ambulance on a stretcher and wearing a neck brace before being taken to a … [Read the full story]

Champion speed eater retires after accident

Peter Dowdeswell has broken more than 350 records for speed eating and drinking – but in the end, he was undone by a single beer. The world-beater has been forced to retire after suffering back and shoulder injuries as he tried to sink a pint while being held upside down. The 71-year-old, who once downed … [Read the full story]

Four-year-old crashes mums car into a tree

A very young boy racer was lucky to escape with only minor injuries after taking his mother’s car for a spin during rush hour, before crashing into a tree. Police are currently investigating how exactly the four-year-old from California was able to embark on his wild ride around the city of Fullerton in Orange County. … [Read the full story]

Forklift incident destroys $1m of wine

More than $1m of wine has been destroyed in a forklift accident in Australia. The 2010 Mollydooker Velvet Glove shiraz sells for $185 a bottle. Winemaker Sparky Marquis told reporters he was “gut-wrenched” that 462 cases of wine had been smashed while being loaded for export to the United States. “When they opened up the … [Read the full story]

Black cats are not unlucky

Good news for black cats. They aren’t as unlucky as they’re proposedly meant to be. Contrary to superstition, they are 15% less likely to have an accident than other moggies, say insurers Petplan. Their unluckiest cat is a ginger cat called Leo, who was run over, fell from a tree, was bitten by a snake … [Read the full story]

First man to drive a car with ‘thought-powered arms’ dies after crashing into a tree

An Austrian man who was the first in Europe to wear an innovative high-tech artificial arm has died after the car he was driving veered off the road and crashed into a tree. Christian Kandlbauer lost both arms in an electrical accident in 2005 but was able to live a largely normal life thanks to … [Read the full story]

Harpo had the biggest bra I’d ever seen!

Yeeeehaaaaaaa! How are ya? It’s me, Buford Balony. My ex-girlfriend, Harpo is comin’ to Australia very soon. Now the name Harpo might not sound like a feminine name, but let me tell ya, she was very, very feminine. She sure is a wonderful person. Hell, she used to work in the grocer shop in Nashville … [Read the full story]