Anecdotal thoughts of Jim Aborwhear

Outside smoking a cigarette, minding my own business feeling that sweet poison course through my veins when some drudge from my office walks past with the oh so witty comment, “You know if you keep smoking you’re going to die”. I paused took another drag and replied in what I thought was a perfectly reasonable … [Read the full story]

Lipstick in school

According to a news report, a certain private school in Perth was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens … [Read the full story]

Toilets and potatoes don’t mix!

A man learnt two simple yet important lessons recently: 1. Potatoes cannot be flushed down toilets. 2. Setting a fire alarm off rarely solves non-fire related problems. The unnamed man learnt these lessons after pouring potatoes down his toilet for some unknown reason which unsurprisingly led to it becoming blocked up. After calling the building … [Read the full story]

Man realises he’s been pooing wrong his whole life

It has to be the most bizarre epiphany ever. A guy found out he’d been going to the toilet wrong his whole life when he went into a shop to buy a new lavatory. He spoke with a shop assistant who joked about buying one that automatically puts the seat down after use to save … [Read the full story]

Woman gets superglued to toilet seat

A woman had to be yanked off a public toilet seat after a prankster smothered it with extra strong superglue. The unfortunate incident occurred at a Home Depot store in Georgia, US, after the shopper went to use the bathroom. When she tried to get up after relieving herself she found she was unable to … [Read the full story]

Davo’s quote of the day

‘A person that drops a watch down the toilet, will have a shitty time’

Plumber builds world’s fastest toilet

Commuting to work will never be the same again for this imaginative plumber who has built the world’s fastest fully-functioning toilet. Colin Furze, 33, has spent four weeks building the petrol-powered lavatory which boasts a powerful 140cc motorbike engine and can travel at 55mph. The high-speed toilet has been fitted with a button on the … [Read the full story]

What has TOG been up to for the past 6 months?

After so many emails from my Ozzie News readers asking where I have been for the past six months, I feel it is only justice if I come clean on my sojourn. I was asked to help create a guest room-come playroom for my grandchildren out of a worn out garage. Now, building, construction and … [Read the full story]

Cricket in India – an alternative story

Many years ago my great uncle relayed to me a story of his youth when he visited India. A test series was to be played…Australia against India in the sub continent. It was the first time my uncle had travelled abroad to watch a test match. He was rowed ashore in Bombay and the game … [Read the full story]

Women injured by exploding toilets

Exploding toilets injured two workers at a federal building in Washington D.C because of a plumbing malfunction that blasted out tiny shards of porcelain. A woman from the General Services Administration (GSA) building was taken to a hospital with serious cuts to her leg from ‘flying debris’ caused by the toilet blast. Another loo exploded … [Read the full story]

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